Talk like a Duck

If it looks like a duck,

if it walks like a duck,

if it quacks like a duck,

it must be...

...me attempting to sell a screenplay.

With the Christmas season things are not moving at all. And yet I find myself getting meetings with producers about my screenplay. The sad irony is that in early December I decided it would probably be a good idea to do a page one rewrite and turn my drama into a comedy.

So, now my script is in this limbo between what I queried and what it will soon be. And of course, this is when people want to talk about it.

Ever notice how it really doesn't matter what your screenplay is about. (I know, to you it does, but I mean to people who actually matter). All that matters is the person you're talking to and their reaction to what you tell them your screenplay is about, which really could be anything. On the other hand, you really only get one shot to impress them.

Is it my clothes?

Do I smell funny?

I fidget, and have little quirks, like loud noises bother me. Or the phone ringing in the middle of my "meeting" really throws me off. Especially when the guy you're sitting with ignores it.

ME: Umm, are you going to answer that?

I guess, I should be thrilled that I am getting time to talk with this guy who has the ability to pay me for my work over the person trying to get through on the phone, but the inability to turn the ringer off during a meeting just smacks of unprofessionalism to me.

My mindset is changing.

I don't know about you, but I've always felt like the helpless writer, lost in a sea of people who know what they are doing. In a way this made it easy to play the role of the victim. Hollywood is so big and mean. They don't want my brilliance. They don't know what they're missing. Boo hoo.

Boy, was I wrong.

The overwhelming majority of people I have met are not only inept, but really do not have much more knowledge on the subject of filmmaking than I do. The major difference is that they tend to be extremely diligent and shrewd business people.

Ah ha!

It's time to play by their rules, and become a marketable property to be bought and sold.

Or at the very least something that looks like one.